Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the barista slut.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
