I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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