you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
