The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
