drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
