you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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