is your mom at the bar?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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