Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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