Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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