you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
