She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
