Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
