this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
