I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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