hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
