New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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