he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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