Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
