I should be sponsored by Trojan
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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