You smell like a Billy Joel song
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
