imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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