D3 body, D1 cock
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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