he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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