So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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