even my farts smell like vagina
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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