normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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