i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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