we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
