Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
