I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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