If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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