Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
