Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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