dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
