The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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