PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
