Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
