But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
