i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize