I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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