Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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