so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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