He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
