Banned from zoo.
Again?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
