the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
