I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
40s are totally the cure
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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