I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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