when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
