Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
