I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
