Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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