You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
