It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
