i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
