Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
