shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Someone shattered a urinal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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