My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
