I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
