i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize