yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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