My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
