i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
