did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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