we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
