My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
