she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
