I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
