I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
