Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
