hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
