your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
