He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
