I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
