Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
