Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
