I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize