You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sober January is a disaster.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
