I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize