he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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