hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
