question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize