Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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