You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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