What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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