Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
