I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well you can't waste a boner
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
