and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
