Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
