its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
