dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I deserve this hangover.
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