oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
