I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
