We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
