dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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