i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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