It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
