my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
