if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
