jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You dont lie about slip and slides
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize