Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
