Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
