Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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