Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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