she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
