Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
